Cephalomancy Chilli

Went to bed at 9:00 PM woke up at 3:00 AM. I could just go ahead and get up, do some laundry, cook chilli, argue with Anxiety about writing again. Ugh, Anxiety you are a real piece of shit.

You should be thanking me Rach. Look at all you have accomplished and bonus Xanex in the middle of the night yayah! You do not need sleep and you do not need to write you need to do your womanly duties and cook and clean this dirty house!

Anxiety added to Multiple sclerosis hug makes me feel like I have a large cobweb in my chest and it is pulling my lungs towards the outside of my body – near the armpit area. I have read how other people have dealt with it but I discovered whatever I can find to take my mind off of it is what helps the most. It is always a random thing and on this early am it is developing a new chilli recipe for the Devil’s Cookie Cookbook.

INGREDIENTS

  • 1 lb ground beef
  • 1 lb ground Bambi dad (deer meat)
  • 1 onion 1/2 half finely chopped – 1/2 less chopped
  • 1/3 cup of chopped green onion
  • 1 can stewed tomatoes and sweet onion (14.5 oz)
  • 1 can red kidney beans (with or without the juice either works)
  • 4 tbsp chilli powder
  • 2 tbsp red pepper (more or less depending on your desired heat index which can range from inferno to total wussy)
  • 1 or 2 pinches of oregano
  • 1 to 2 cloves minced ( I cheat and buy the frozen minced garlic cloves because they are like the dickhead of vegetables too small to actually mince unless you have tiny Trump hands) – sometimes I completely omit the garlic because I am becoming garlic racist. So the garlic is strictly optional.
  • Add salt if you are one of those people who enjoy high blood pressure and swollen feet. Do not add salt if you are a decent human who knows that can be added after for taste. The bible encouraged salt : Leviticus 2:13 reads “And every offering of your grain offering you shall season with salt: you shall not allow the salt of the covenant of your God to be lacking from your grain offering. With all of your offerings you shall offer salt.” Funny how that stuck around. And we’ve become such healthy humans for it.
  • Optional graded cheese for topping
  • Optional sour cream for topping
  • Optional – one heated skull of a donkey or goat ” Roasting of ass’s head on hot coals.

Brown beef and Bambi in medium pot adding the Lord’s salt if you freaking have to salt it up you salty fuckers. The little bambi meat and lean beef should not create too much grease or lard “praise the lard” so if you prefer to leave in the grease that is fine. Add in the green onion while the lard or lardless meat is browning.

After the meat has browned, add the remaining ingredients MINUS THE LESS CHOPPED ONION / RED PEPPER. Keep on medium heat during next step.

For the next step you will need to have had some coals heated on the bbq pit which I did forget to mention given this is an optional part of the recipe but you should have some nice hot coals going to heat up the donkey skull. The skull is then heated directly on the coals while you recite the names of your enemies or persons you feel are guilty of crimes towards you or your loved ones. If the fire crackling coincides with the utterance of these names then you can be certain they are in fact guilty and will most likely be spending eternity in hell for what they have done to you. After the skull is warm you may remove it from the coals and set aside for a bowl to eat the chilli out of. Again this step is optional.

After you are done or not done preparing the skull bowl. Add the red pepper for heat and turn from medium to high for 10 mins stirring regularly – it will scold to the bottom of the pan so watch closely or you will burn it and fuck it all up. Turn down to low put the lid over pan and let it simmer for an hour stirring occasionally.

Serve in skull bowl (or not) use the remainder less chopped onion, graded cheese and sour cream as toppings. Enjoy!

A few animals were harmed in the making of this recipe. It was quick and painless I promise.

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